Chris' mom likes to take Adam for a weekend every once and a while and this past week she took him from Wed. evening until Friday. That allowed Chris and I to do something we haven't had a chance to do in a while, go out on a date. We decided to go to Comedy Caravan because we had some tickets from one of the youth at church and we needed to laugh. I didn't realize how much we needed to laugh until we got there and until our conversation following the great comedian we saw.
I realized we had not done anything with just the two of us since the miscarriage in May. Because of this we really haven't had the opportunity to realize that we are both still grieving a lot. It's difficult to understand why one would still be grieving a little person you've never met, but you do. You grieve the thought of their birthday, if they were a boy or a girl, what Adam would be saying now that I would be 5 months pregnant, the pictures we would take, making a new room for Adam and a place for the baby, the excitement when Adam would take the magnets on the fridge and say "Look mama, it's our family" then he'd point out all 4 magnets saying "Daddy, Mama, Adam, and a baby!" We still have the video of the first time he ever did that, I still have my pregnancy journal and I just can't get rid of them because it's like saying it never happened because there's nothing to show for it other than those things.
I realized that Chris and I haven't laughed much since May and laughing was the best medicine for both of us. It got us to think about being funny and enjoying each other, remembering that we are still grieving and allowing that but also looking to the future for new things to come. The grief is still there, it will be there for as long as there are children to be thought of but each day it gets a little easier to do and think about the things that weren't difficult before.
So the comedian we saw, Mary Mack was sent there just for us. Not that she really was but out of all of the comics we could have and did see that evening she is the only one that spoke to me, got me to laugh, and who I thought "I could hang out with this person." So if you get a chance check out her website and listen to her stuff.
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4 comments:
Mary Mack = funny.
And I'm not just saying that because she worked a mandolin into her set.
Hi, You may want to erase this or block me from your blog. Your husband hates me (a troll, he says). I still enjoy his blog and check it every day.
But I was very interested in your work with autistic children. I have a relative at Stanford University who has an autistic child.
You may not be familiar with Dr. Mouzon Biggs, considered by many the finest 'preacher' in American Methodism. I am not a Methodist, but did have a disagreement with him over what I think was a careless remark he made about autism. During a sermon, he tried to illustrate a point by saying that if autistic children became interested in others, they showed marked improvement. I wrote him a letter saying this was insulting by implying that this condition could be traced in part to self-centerdness. He did not reply but has never mentioned autism again in his sermons. I thought this might be of some interest to you.
Certainly, I will not be offended if you decide to block me from your blog. Jack
Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that each person with the diagnosis of autism is different, but one of the characteristics of autism is that the person will not show interest or reaction to others around them. This can be seen in that they may not verbally or non-verbally engage others to request things they want or in play.
Again, keep in mind that each person is different. Many of the children I work with do request, notice when someone enters a room, or walks up to others to engage them. But there are some autistic children I work with who do not do those things and when they do begin to do those things we consider that to be improvement. I believe this is what Dr. Biggs was speaking to. I'm not familiar with him and have never heard him but in my experience I would agree with his statement.
I also do not believe that he meant to imply that autism is related to someone being self-centered. It is a symptom of autism to be withdrawn and have decreased social skills, not a choice.
You are welcome to leave comments here as long as they are appropriate. I would appreciate it if you left comments related to the blog posted. With this particular comment it would be best placed in a blog related to autism.
Thank you.
My comments are always appropriate. They may seem direct, but are always true. I will not trouble you again. Jack
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